Day 59 - Not Quite What I Like About You

A few days ago, Legal Eagle and I went to apply for jobs at the mall.

LE: We’re like Kath & Kim, not What I Like About You.

So, instead of being all WILAY, I’m now like Kath & Kim. And while the show is hilarious, it’s not one that I would model my life after.

Also, a while ago, LE and I saw these two old women at the grocery store and they were stylin’ and all over the place.

We had the same thought: That’s going to be us many years from now.



^ Best image I could find to represent them.

Thanksgiving (or Shrimpsgiving as I learned at Whole Foods) is tomorrow! I even have a mini assorted cheesecake that I can’t wait to eat!

A few days ago, my cat jumped up really high behind me and kind of punched/swatted me in the back of the head. I am not short.

And then today while I was sitting and on the phone with my mom talking about dogs, he grabbed me around the waist and was maybe trying to wrestle or something.

I have to take the crummy bus to the mall to do an interview. While I LOVE the mall as much as Kath & Kim, I am not at my most excited.

So to get at my most excited, I am transplanting my brain to those days when I was in school. I will think of this interview as my last class before Turkey Break and once it is done, I get to have a wonderful little holiday!

So close!!!!

Day 58 - Things To Get Used To...

Yesterday Legal Eagle and I were watching The Real Housewives of Atlanta. It was the finale and they were showing previews of the reunion show to come next week throughout the episode. And then came the end of this episode.

Me: (sitting patiently as the episode ends). What?! No previews?

LE: They already showed them.

Me: Yeah, but I thought that they would show some more, like a different preview with different clips.

LE: Don’t be a preview hog.



^ Great Show!

LE and I decided right then and there that whomever I date seriously in the future will have to put up with a few things about me and TV.

1. My love for previews. It’s okay to talk through an episode (if I’m talking), but so very not okay to talk through previews. I’m pretty sure I’ve “shh’ed” LE a few times.

Although when I told LE that it’s okay to talk through episodes she said:

“Really? I doubt you’d let anyone talk through an episode of Rock of Love.”

2. My love for reunion shows. As if the show itself isn’t good enough, reunion shows are like icing on cake.

LE confirmed: “Your boyfriend will just have to understand why you have to come over to my place to watch reunion shows.”

3. Just because I’ve seen the episode twice, doesn’t mean I can’t or shouldn’t watch it a third time. I might have missed something or someone might have rudely talked through it.

4. Just because I say, “Oh god, I’m never going to watch that reality show. I have zero interest in it,” does not mean I can’t watch it.

Example: I Want to Work for Diddy. Said I had no interest in it, but I watched it to the bitter end. Although on the final episode I thought for a second that they were stretching it out to another week and I reacted with:

“Oh god no! I can’t watch this next week too!”

Some things you just have to watch and stick with them. Oh and did I mention that I have watched Real Chance of Love….a spin-off of I Love NY…which is a spin-off of Flavor of Love.

5. Spin-offs should be appreciated. It brings back the best cast members. Who doesn’t love that??

I know that this can be asking a lot, but not really. I mean, it’s all about TV, so who doesn’t love that?!

Now, if we were to go into the things about my cat that any future boyfriend would have to put up with, the list is a bit longer:

1. When my cat is lovey and purring, he love bites.

2. He owns everywhere and I have no control over him.

3. He likes to get under the blankets.

4. He likes to wake you with his wet nose.

5. He likes to sleep on my side.

6. He’s an awesome jumper (bad for some reasons obviously).

7. He throws up every now and then.

8. He’s possessive and growls if you are a “threat.”

9. Did I mention I have really zero control over him…he’s actually in charge of me.

10. Saturday mornings are Barbar wildcat mornings…he runs as fast as possible from room to room…usually running across your face.

11. He likes to hang out in cabinets.

12. He also likes to drop stuff in drinks and toasters.

13. He eats plastic bags and cardboard and probably some other stuff that I don’t know about.

14. You have to play fetch with him whenever he wants to (even if that means fetch at 3 a.m.).

15. He steals : toys, feathers, berets, sweaters, Q-tips, etc.

Hmmm…maybe I should just wait a very long time until I introduce anyone to my cat.

Day 57 - Oh How The Plot Thickens...

Busy Weekend!

First, Legal Eagle and I went to Long Beach to protest the same-sex marriage ban. It was super fun and cool and made me feel really good, which is always nice.



^ Me protesting.



^ LE protesting. Is this LE’s first appearance on here? So much for anonymity…



^ The Protest

Now, Sunday was also a busy day. I had a writer’s meeting for LA2DAY. It went super well and I’m looking forward to doing more with them. Also, beforehand I had lunch with The Doc. He’s baaaaack…..

Cutting to the chase, he’s living in a house with a roommate and I met him there. Little did I know, his dad was there helping his gardener decide something about sprinklers. Yes, his dad. The convo went something like this.

Me: Hi.

Doc: Hey, how are you?

Me: Good, you?

Doc: Good, I actually just got back from work a bit ago. (He was in scrubs). I just need to change and take care of somethings and then we can grab lunch. My dad is in the back with my gardener, so I just need to talk to him really quickly.

Me: (in head) Scrubs? Interesting look. Wait…did he just say dad? Dad? Dad…his dad? Maybe he said Dan. His Dan? That can’t be right. Dad? Should I run away? Am I going to have to meet him? I should’ve ironed my shirt. At least I have my cute sailor jeans on. Dad? What does one say to a dad? How is he going to introduce me? How do I want to be introduced? Dad…seriously? How can you tell if you are going to pass out? Ok, a dad…I can handle this. Wait, he’s still talking, I should be listening.

So, I met the dad. And was introduced, again, as “friend.” Which is cool, I mean, haven’t seen him in a while, so I’ll have to figure all that out.

But lunch was good. His place is nice and he has a tangerine tree and some other stuff, but for some reason the minute I heard tangerine tree I got completely stuck on it and don’t remember what he said the other stuff was.

Now I’m in the mood for a list! A pro-con, good-bad sort of thing, now that I’m discovering more about The (reappearing) Doc.

Pro - Has a garden and gardener. Seems like it should be a “pro.”

Pro - Tangerines are one fruit I like.

Con - Has a gardener. I would like it better if he did all the work. Just seems better.

Pro - Has really good, modern-style artwork.

Con - None of it is up. Also, has a football helmet lamp. (Feel free to barf).

Pro - Dresses nicely. Has organized closet (yes, I snooped like a madwoman).

Con -(I have not confirmed if these belong to him or his roommate, although 99% sure it’s him) Crocs!There were crocs in the entryway. Crocs are my most hated shoes ever, worse than Uggs. They can’t be that comfortable and even if they are, they are heinous! It’s not like they also give you money, then I would consider wearing them.

Pro - Asked me how LE was. It’s a nice thing.

Con - Also asked me what I see myself doing in a year. A year? Whoa…hopefully not homeless?

Pro - Has copy of Men’s Vogue. Good I think, although are they shutting down? But, not a bad choice of magazine.

Con - Couldn’t remember that it was In Style that I freelance for. Asked if it was People (as if) and also couldn’t remember that I grew up in Chicago, not Iowa. Either he has a bad memory or he isn’t paying attention to what I say. It felt a little inconsiderate.

Pro - Made me laugh.

Con - Told me about a girl he dated in high school who now has a column for Vogue. My reply : Oh, that’s nice. (probably rolled eyes). And no, I did not get her name because I know better and knew that I would have come home and Googled her and read every stupid column she’s written.

Pro - Disliked the movie W. as well.

Con - I think he still expects me to be into watching sports (ie. Cubs, Bears, etc.) Um…well I don’t expect you to be into watching Top Model and going to fashion shows and reading Glamour.

Pro - Paid for lunch. Always nice.

Con - Weird money convo:

Doc: So how does freelancing work? Do they just call you and ask you to write certain things?

Me: Some of it works that way, but most of it is pitching ideas and then getting them accepted.

Doc: Oh, so you don’t really know if they’ll be getting picked?

Me: That’s the fun of it.

Doc: That’s rough, but you’re like okay money-wise or what?

Me: (long pause) Yeah, I’m okay.

Pro - Only called me Sweetie once when I was leaving. Although, then of course my thought is, “What? I lost my Sweetie status?”

Pro - Told me I looked cute.

Con - Told me specifically, “God, you look so cute, dude.” Yes, dude. And not like on Kath & Kim when Kim’s husband calls her dude all the time.

Con - Was using his phone a lot, like texting maybe? Don’t think he ever has been on it this much or at all, but he was this time and that’s just rude.

Pro - Doesn’t have anything scary in his medicine cabinet (yeah, I really snooped).

Con - Oh! I forgot! Monogrammed towels. Yes, there were monogrammed towels, hopefully a gift from his mom. I was going to ask about them (probably make fun of them), but since we haven’t seen each other for a bit, I decided to go easy. But what makes them really special is that they are his initials and then a I (like “the first” LE and I decided). So does this mean I know what he will be naming his son???

Pro - Kind of showed me that doesn't have it all together.

Con - Appears to have it all together and his life all planned out - remember monogrammed towels?

Pro - Close with his family and has a whole lot of pictures up, making snooping much easier.

Con - Has a whole lot of pictures up making the place feel old, he said he did it because it feels homier.

That was fun. I’m sure there is more to come. Now I really must get some work done.

Day 56 - Not My Size

Ah, the reason Bride Brain called. (And no, she never returned the message I left, but did email me and Legal Eagle).

Well, it was about our pretty, pretty bridesmaid dresses. She was calling to see if I wanted extra length. Yes, I did, we’ve had this conversation. But no, I don’t want to pay $30 dollars for it.

We’ve also found out that she bought dresses that are too big. She’s intended for them to be too big. Mine is too big by 2 sizes and LE’s is too big by 4 sizes. Yes, 4 sizes.



^ This is what I suspect we will look like. Fab!

We’re both pretty insulted and pissed about this whole thing. I mean, had she bought my size, I might not need to spend money on alterations. That would be nice.

Oh and I now know what a heart attack feels like as I had one when she told me the total price of the ugly dress, with shipping, tax and extra length of course.

And then I was reminded that this dress has a corset back! There is a ton going on in front and we get a corset back! Ew.

But now I will try to find some good in this wedding. Here it is:

- There is a mini-bride. I know, right?! Greatest thing ever.

- Bride Brain’s brother will probably sing. Awkward. Also, this reminds me of at our pre-grad dinner when all the families got together and we all introduced ourselves and the brother said he sang or something and my dad says, “Sing us something,” (probably tipsy), but the brother didn’t because he was shy or something (isn’t very good perhaps?). But it was the greatest moment ever and in my head I was laughing so hard.

- It will be a religious ceremony. Why is this great? Well, put LE and me in a religious setting and we can’t hold it together.

- Flasks. We will take our flasks all classy style.

- Being the black sheep. I think this will be fun. I will just have to be careful about rolling my eyes at the other bridesmaids.

This is really hard to come up with stuff, so I’m going to stop it now. But maybe I can muster together a long enough list to keep me entertained at this wedding. LE and I already have some games planned, like who can go longer without talking. I’m pretty sure I’ll win because LE feels compelled to fill in awkward silences.

I don’t.

Day 55 cont. - More Randomness!

Bride Brain called my phone this morning!

She did not leave a message, so LE and I will be calling back this afternoon.

So now I am hurridly making up details on my fake boyfriend and writing them down.

This is great…ugh.

Update on everything to come!

Day 55 - Random, Random, Random

Stupid psychic I went to see back in August has been right about a few things except the things I want her to be right about.

Case in point: The Doc got in touch with me. Yes, out-of-the-blue, I hear from him and am not sure what I will be doing with this. Half rolling my eyes, half kind of curious and intrigued.

But just like the psychic said, I heard from him again.



^Ahhh…my psychic!

Well, I’m about ready for her to be right about the job situation. Oh and maybe she could take back the whole unlucky in love thing too.

Oh! Did I tell you all that Bride Brain got her engagement photos done? Yes she did! And in some of them they are wearing Bears’ jerseys. Yes they are!

So Legal Eagle and I contemplated what exactly you use engagement photos for. Here are our thoughts:

- Your save-the-date (which we have not gotten, so I am NOT saving the date).

- To put up around your house

- Collages

- Pictures to display at the reception

- Future Christmas gifts for all your friends

- Practice your mustache drawing (as well as devil horns and black teeth)

- To prove you are getting married

- Use as thank-you cards

- In case you get amnesia before the wedding, you will have proof of who you are marrying

That’s about it. Some seem like really good ideas, others just seem like a waste of money.

My desk creaks. I’m not sure why (actually I think I put a screw in incorrectly), but I really must fix it because it is driving me crazy!

Day 54 - Lacking Motivation

A conversation between Legal Eagle and me:

LE: I had a weird dream last night where I had all these kids.

Me: Ew.

LE: Yeah and they were all different races. Like one was a redhead and one was blonde…

Me: Um, a redhead is not a different race.

LE: It is to me.

Oh, some things that come out of her mouth are too priceless.

I have not been wanting to do anything at all lately. I’ve somehow managed to continue being productive, but I haven’t really been like, “Yeah, I’m so going to do stuff today!”

And then today, we have no hot water. So I am still in my pajamas, feeling like I do on days when I am sick. And even better, our management company won’t answer their phone. They told me 5 hours ago that they were taking care of it. Oh I have them on the phone now! Now they tell me the guy who is working on it just left briefly to get “a part” and it will be fixed soon. Yes, soon…like tomorrow?

Also, I hate Linksys (the wireless router we have). They made me throw our phone the other day. Ugh.

But in lovely news, Barbar was my lap cat for a while today. He just chilled on my lap while I worked. Then we played fetch on my bed.

Oh, that reminds me, we need to book them boarding over Xmas!